Thursday, June 04, 2009

My Golden Dancers

HASHKAFA AND ETHAN SMILED AT ME
By Elita Sohmer Clayman

Ethan smiled at me for the first time in his lifetime and in my lifetime. Ethan was twelve weeks old when this happened. He lives in Northern Virginia with his parents, my son, and my daughter-in-law. We already had two older grandsons when Ethan was born. Having a young baby in your life when your other two grandchildren are 13 and 10 is a new and fabulous reality. There was a ten year span between grandson #2 and Ethan as grandson #3.

Learning to ballroom dance at a later age is kind of similar to age differences in children or grandchildren. It is a new experience in your older years. It is a fantastic happening in your older years. To learn to dance or to have new and younger grandchildren is being awakened to new thoughts and experiences in your life.

We learned to dance in our early 40s for me (four years older for my husband). When we look back now, as super seniors, we think it was young then. Of course, it was not as young as learning in our 20s. But learning in your 40s is not quite as challenging as learning later on in life. I have readers who write me that they started in their 60s and 70s. They are to be commended and applauded and emulated by others.

Learning to handle a new baby when you are in your senior years is quite a task - a wonderful task, by all standards, but still hard. Even picking up a new baby when your fingers may be starting to be arthritic or your back is acting up is sometimes difficult. Watching the baby for a few hours, that can be daunting too. Of course, you do not want to say no to your son or daughter, so you say yes. You pray the baby will sleep and you will only have to change the diaper or give him a bottle. So, in dancing you pray sometimes too. In the beginning, when you go to a social dance and you may be alone without a partner that night, you pray that someone will ask you to dance and then you may pray that someone will not ask you to dance.

You are critical of your own dancing abilities and you would rather hide a bit in your seat instead of going up on the dance floor and actually dancing.
When we first started to go to Saturday night dances at the studio, we were quite intimidated by a woman named Jean S. She would holler out the type of dance they were playing on the tape recorder because she knew we could not figure out if it was a Foxtrot or a Rumba, etc. It is a wonder that we did not quit dancing at that time because she was an embarrassing figure to have at our table. We persevered and we would never do that to any fellow dancers because intimidation is not the route to quality or enjoyable ballroom dance activities.

Encouragement is the road to being happy in your dance journey. I learned a new word recently. It is a funny looking word. It is hashkafa and is Hebrew for perspective. Now the true meaning of perspective is "Point of view, position, outlook, or frame of reference." We can alter our perspective when we want to learn how to dance at an advanced age. We can say to ourselves that learning something new gives us a new expectation. In addition, we are still growing and able and still desire to achieve even though we are seniors in every sense of the word. I heard a comment on a show that I watch on television. It stated that in this special room of the house, we will always find there peace. When we dance, at least, when I dance and many others have written me to say the same thing, we find peace. Peace in our mind, in our heart, and maybe only for the hours that we are there, wherever there is and that makes us happy. The peaceful room is the dance floor, the surroundings, and the people who all have gathered to do one thing - to spend a few hours dancing and enjoying this moment in time.

Zachary in California wrote to me that he has a dance partner who is not physically well. She still loves to go and dress up and sit at a dance; even though she is unable to dance more than a few dances, she loves to watch and feels that this is her peaceful room, a room away from her health problems at home. At the dance, she becomes someone else. She is healthy, she is able, and she is happy and becomes unaware of her health problems. Zachary brings her, knowing that she will only dance once or twice, if at all, but her attitude is glorious and she is happy and that is what counts. When she returns home, she still has the same problems but they may seem a little lighter because she has been out and socializing.

Hashkafa can be a stimulant to our thinking. When we are stumbling around and not knowing how we want to continue at this late period in our lives, we can change our outlook and go forward to attain new things in our lives. We can get off our couches and we can go and be seen in public. We can dance, we can talk, we can even sit and sit in a new environment.

My neighborhood was all young couples when we bought our first and only home 41 years ago. Everyone had children, some of us were pregnant with our second or first child, and the neighborhood was a melodious sounding place of children laughing and having a good time night or day. Now, the children have grown up and have children of their own and the young homeowners are old homeowners living the rest of their lives in their same house. A new phenomenon has occurred. Young families are moving in with their young children and again there is the melodious sound of youngsters playing and laughing. Therefore, the revitalization has taken over and the old folks are being revived with young people in the neighborhood.

Now Ethan finished his first year at preschool in Northern Virginia. He went two days a week and loved it. At the final day of school, the parents brought some food and watched the children play and have a good time. The teacher told my daughter-in-law that Ethan was the smartest and youngest child in the class and he is destined to really be outstanding during the rest of his life. Of course, we, as grandparents, already knew this because we are prejudiced. Voltaire would say that is opinion without judgment but Voltaire would be wrong. We have good judgment as did the preschool teacher because we know the person and we appreciate our own wisdom. Because we acknowledge our own common sense, we know it is a true and valid opinion.

Ethan will go far because he is smart, talented, and kind. We all hope that for our children and grandchildren. We also hope that our opinion of our delight and happiness in ballroom dancing awakens in us a spark that helps us go forward and conquer any fears we have about dancing. The dancing that we are attempting will benefit not only our social skills but our health physically and mentally. So our opinion and judgment will come through for us.

So it is with ballroom dancing. Those of us who were young when we started to learn to do it are now the older folks. We still dance and the younger people who start to dance now look at us and think how nice it is that us older folks still dance and enjoy ourselves doing the activity. They see that we dance really well and that we take pride in doing the dance scene and that we are really Sensational Seniors. We live and we prosper and even though we may have many aches and pains, we love our ballroom dancing and are proud that we continued and find peace in doing it. Our life is full of Hashkafa. Our perspective on our dancing is that we will attain happiness doing it and our perspective on the future of our grandsons and granddaughters is that they will prosper and be successful.

So having a grandchild now who is four and his sister Ava is almost two gives us great perspective on life. The two older grandsons are now almost 17 and 13 and they prospered in everything they tried so far. Of course, the Hashkafa on them was the same for me. I knew they would do excellent in everything they tried.

Also, I knew that ballroom dancing would become a vital source of comfort, happiness, and peace in my life. I had the good thoughts perspective-Hashkafa way - before I learned the word and now that I know it, it
sparks the contemplation process in my mind. It is a funny sounding word if you try to pronounce it but it is really a soul connecting word in meaning. Perspective is a panorama and outlook and meaning in life. So here is to Hashkafa in all our lives, including our beloved dancing.
Keep on Dancing.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing the Hashkafa article.It is helping me live to be a better and happier person. Can't find the right words to tell you how lucky, we your friends and fans are for having someone like you who gives so much love, precious time and effort to inspire us thru your great articles and sharing with us your thoughts. kudos to you my friend. Mila Dimacali from Texas

Anonymous said...

You dear friend is what I call a stylus-that of a wise scribe recording words of worth and value.This instrument of writing is of even more importance and respect than the old time Schaeffer ink pen which in itself was of vast value. I know your father had one and so did I.

I suppose I should call you Stylus because you fit.Continue connecting the cords of empathy with others' wisdom.

The vaunted stylus recorded wisdom from the halls of history.

So that is why I call you stylus.

Robert J. Meyer
Catonvilee, Maryland

Anonymous said...

You Elita have changed my perspective on life-not to be afraid of being bold and trying new things from here on. thanks to you my dear new friend. I know there are lots of people out there who are now inspired to do even the smallest gesture of kindness to others-more so to themselves, by going out of their shells and really enjoying life just like you do. a million thanks for being so generous with your talents (you have plenty of them, my friend.) It is much appreciated.

I pray you be blessed more to be able to continue on touching other people's lives.

Let us keep our love for dancing burning.

Mila Dimacali of Texas

Anonymous said...

I was thumbing through dance sites and found these dear articles on ballroom dance and life.'

Excellent


Donna Lange Ruvino
New York City

Anonymous said...

Ballroom dancing is better than going to a psychologist. I know for sure because my niece is a psychiatrist and has plenty of patients who when take up a hobby and get involved in it do better socially and mentally. I am not saying they do not benefit from medical help but ballroom sure sends you in another direction, a happy direction.That is my layman opinion.


Kaleisha Moore Towdsende California

Anonymous said...

Hashkafa is wonderful to think about.

What a great article and what great insight you have Elita into the human mind.

Your readers are lucky to be able to read these gems.

You Elita are a gem.

Katherine Leanna Smythe

Anonymous said...

Elita

I enjoyed reading your article in the Fred Astaire newsletter. Are there Golden Dancers dance classes?

I love to dance and would like to dance with people near my own age.
I live near the new Fred Astaire studio in Illinois.

Lucy Ernst

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading your article in the Fred Astaire newsletter. I love to dance and am looking into classes for seniors at my studio in Illinois. I would like to dance with people my own age.
Lucy Ernst Illinois

Anonymous said...

Wonderful story. Ethan is lucky to have you for his grandmom. You can tell him lots of stories from your growing up years. Maybe he will want to ballroom dance some day.

Thank you ELITA CLAYMAN FOR WRITING THESE INSPIRING AND DELIGHTFUL ARTICLES.

Anneslie Adams Ohio

Anonymous said...

There is a song called S'Wonderful from the old days. That is what these articles and especially this one is.


Madelynne S. Colvert of Idaho

Anonymous said...

Excellent Hashkafa. Learned a new and foreign word.

Dancing means a great deal to ME.

I AM IN THE LATE STAGES OF LIFE AND DOING SOMETHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO AND DO IS EXCITING. I GO TO MY LOCAL FRED ASTAIRE STUDIO, HAVE A FINE TEACHER WHO ENCOURAGES ME AND ENTICES ME TO EXCELL AND SO I AM ON THE ROAD TO DOING THAT AT THIS AGE OF 77. IT HAS BROUGHT NEWNESS INTO MY LIFE AND THAT OF MY HUSBAND OF 50 YRS. HE WILL AS MOST MEN DO, NOT ADMIT TO ENJOYING IT, BUT HE DOES.

THANK YOU ELITA CLAYMAN FOR INSTILLING IN ME AND HIM THE THOUGHT THAT WE CAN DO THIS.

IREENA LOUISE LONG

Anonymous said...

Next to best article you have written so far. My favorite is Brass to Gold...


Leah W. Weinersteen
from Sweden

I am here visiting my son and daughter-in-law in NYC and read all of these Elita articles. We dance a lot in Sweden ballrm.

Anonymous said...

Poor little puppie we just bought yesterday. He will be named Hashkafa. We will call him Hash for short.

He is purebred Pekingnese. I remember in one of your articles you mentioned you had a one who was female and she used to hide under the family room sofa when you and your husband practiced dancing when you first started 30 some years ago.

Hash owes his unusual name to you.
Hope he likes it.

Thanks Elita for your dear articles enticing all of us non dancers to take the non out of our lives.


Tova Byrnes Altamount of New York